Silent Sufferer: Miscarriage

Throughout the day, I have heard various reports discussing the a potential law that will require a woman to have an ultrasound before having an abortion.  I have mixed reviews on the issue not because I feel that I have a right to tell anyone what to do with their body, but because I dealt with Mother Nature's abortion.

I remember finding out that I was pregnant in April of 2005.  I was married for only four months and although I was scared about becoming a mother so early into the marriage, I thought that this would be a very blessed time in our lives.  I could not have been any more wrong.  My husband was against becoming a father and issued an ultimatum, I would choose between having a husband or a child. You could imagine the emotional roller coaster.  I experienced happiness and excitement from my colleagues at work and suffered in silence at home as the topic of the baby was not up for discussion. 

I am a very strong willed woman and have always had my own mind, however, this particular situation broke me.  I was caught between a rock and a hard place of leaving a marriage and raising a baby on my own, or ending a life and keeping a marriage.  In the end, the decision was not mine.  The weekend of July 4th in 2005, I miscarried in my home. The babies were not developing the way that they should have and my body was doing everything it could to support them.  In fact, the pregnancy was becoming poisonous to me.  At that point, my life was in jeopardy.  The doctors discussed the options, told me that I could go on to have more children but this pregnancy was not a healthy one.  A decision was made.  The emotional ramifications of loosing a baby, not trusting  my husband, realizing that my marriage would no longer be the same (it ended three years later), and attempting to return to who I was pre-pregnancy was a more than enough to handle.  You really have no idea what to do with the thoughts in your mind when you miscarry.  People have no idea what to say to you and you have nothing to say to them.

What lawmakers need to realize is that each situation is very different.  None of us understand the mental process that another person has had to experience to formulate a decision.  Yes, there are women who use abortion as a form of birth control ( for whatever reason) but there are women who are forced to a decision by circumstance and survival.  We can all say what we would not do when we are far removed from a situation, but i guarantee, the statements change when you are starring a circumstance in its face.

If I had to watch an ultrasound  before I was given medication to terminate my pregnancy, I am not too sure if my mind would have remained in tact.  Lawmakers can not be so quick to impose what they believe are deterrents or harsh consequences on women because they feel abortion is wrong.  If you have ever had to make a decision to end a pregnancy voluntary or involuntary, the emotional aftermath is a painful reminder all to itself.

A woman has the right to choose without the moral chastisements from people who do not know her or understand her situation.